Fixing What's broken
by Beeets
Summary: After an incident that resulted in the loss of their brother's Donnie and Raph are left to pick up the pieces of their broken family while also dealing with their hectic life and new enemies that seek to tear them apart. (human au, cover art is mine)
1. Starting out, Remembering the Past

All throughout time people have spoken these wisdoms about life, how it hands you things for a reason. Life gives you something that you have to make meaning of, something you have to deal with and figure out. Gotta say I'm not a fan of what life's handed me so far.

It's been almost a year and still, it's as though it was yesterday the flashing memories of blood, the aching grief, and crushing guilt. Even after it all, even after I've moved on it's still ever present in my mind. I know it's in his. Always locked in his room stuck with his thoughts never really coming out unless it's to use the bathroom and even then he makes as little contact with me or anyone as humanly possible.

Then again Donnie's always been like that in a way, but this was way different. After the loss of Leo and Mikey, the loss of his right arm, he changed. I'm surprised he's survived this long… I want to help him, I really do. He's all I have left and I can't bear to see him like this anymore.

The day had started like any other, the training, the laughs, the visit from old friends. There was no reason for us to think anything could ruin this. Could ruin such a peaceful day for us.

We don't know how but the Shredder and his cronies had found us, they laid siege on our home, destroying family heirlooms and other precious items. Seeing no other way out we tried to fight to call for the help of anyone take back our home.

My mind always goes back to that moment, running through the top floor of our spacious home. The halls seemed to stretch on forever my lungs beginning to burn from the strenuous panicked running. I could feel Donnie tugging on my arm as he himself became worn down even so I pulled him further along. We had to make it out, we just had to.

I let us pause for a moment a bad deep in the pit of my stomach, something wasn't right. I just knew it.. in the distance we saw the limping forms of our older and younger brothers even from where I stood I could tell their injuries were bad, Mikey seemed to be barely hanging on Leo dragging him forward. Donnie reacted first moving to help our injured brothers and I would be too if I hadn't seen the ceiling dip.

Immediately I reached out to him pulling him back my hoarse voice shouting,

"-Cave in-!" Donnie pulled against my grip his eyes glued to our brothers and as heartbreaking as it was I knew-

"They're not gonna make it," Donnie gasped his voice reaching "Raph they're not gonna make it!"

The collapse happened faster than any of us could register, from there all I could remember was the aching pain that radiated throughout my body. My brain could register the pained sobs of my immediate younger brother, looking over to him I found him trapped partially under the debris of what was once the roof of our home.

I pushed through the pain making my way over to him at this moment nothing I felt mattered, I had to make it to him, he needed me.

"Raph.." his voice was quiet, fragile even. "I can't move, I can't feel my arm," with a quick look over I could see it was his right arm that kept him trapped under. He was in bad shape all together with not just his arm (which seemed to be hanging on by a thread), a gash on his forehead was gushing blood, his breathing was quick and labored, he was losing too much blood.

My first thought was to try to lift the debris and push him out but just looking at the state of it, it's not only impossible to lift but, the whole thing would most likely come crashing down on top of us before we even could register it was happening. I felt Donnie's hand grasp at my knee weakly.

"My arm Raph," he took a moment to gather himself, to keep himself awake. I saw his free arm reach into one of his pockets before it came back up to place a small knife in my hands. "you're going to have to amputate it,"

I was in shock for a moment, holding the knife in my abnormally shaky grip. I opened my mouth to protest, there had to be another way.

"I. Know what you're thinking, but there's nothing else we can do- nothing else I can think of." I could see him starting to lose consciousness, pulling out my sai I put the handle close to his mouth instructing him to bite down like I did once before a long time ago and he did with the last bit of strength he had before I started cutting.

It was a traumatic experience for us both and now I was holding him in my arms racing towards the exit of our home, his wounds were wrapped in makeshift bandages made from ripped pieces of my own clothing. I made it towards the back of the house finding Rockwell with seemingly on his own waiting for us (Donnie must have called him and the others as back up…)

I could see Donnie regaining a bit of consciousness as we laid him into their van.

"Raph, the others," he rasped grabbing the remaining fabric of my sleeve, "You have to find them- you have to-"

"Don't worry little brother, I'll find them for you," and I did as I promised, but... I didn't find them, not really at least.

They were already dead when I did so I found what remained, as horrific as it sounds. I took their masks gripping them tightly in my arms running back my last remaining family.

The house was ablaze when I made it out a second time, the Shredder burning what was left of our ruined home. In the van, I held his hand through the pain and tears.

In this new and empty house, I knock on the door a small tray of food in my hands. Of course, the curtsey is unneeded as I would enter whether or not Donnie would even speak to me, which he never did...

I set the tray down beside him sitting on the bed looking into his dark seemingly lifeless eyes covered almost completely by his long dark hair. Long overdue for a haircut but there's nothing I can do about it really, not without his permission that he's unwilling to give (as he doesn't want to speak with me).

"Donnie," I say my hand reaching for his left, he makes no attempt to move it or even acknowledge me. "I brought you food if you're hungry," I directed his hand towards the sandwich on the plate which he slowly swiped off the plate onto the floor.

"Donnie please, can you just- help me out here?" I take his hand again matching my palm with his.

"It's been months and I know it's been hard for you, it's been hard for me too. You haven't been eating recently and it scares me," his hand twitches a bit a small gasp comes from him.

"You're all I have left I don't want to lose you,"

His breath hitched and for the first time, I saw genuine emotion in his eyes fat tears running down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry,"

For the first time in months Donnie came out of his room, for real this time, the first thing we did was have a long talk at the table. I let him eat as much as he could despite knowing it would probably upset his stomach later, he just had to get something into his system.

After that, I gave him a much-needed haircut. There's were big steps for him, this whole day was. I needed to get as far as I could because who knew what would happen tomorrow. I will keep working to fix this.


	2. Getting out Again

I don't see the point in getting out of bed anymore, what does it matter when everything you've known and everyone you love is ripped right out from under you. It's especially disheartening knowing that you could have prevented it from happening. Constantly playing in your head is every scenario any other scenario than what had actually happened, one where it didn't matter if you survived as long as they got to live. As long as they were all still here. Even in your fantasies it didn't matter what happened to you. It still doesn't matter.

Of course as you've already figured out by now I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about me. I don't know who you are. I'm almost certain you don't exist, seeing as the only one here in this desolate room is me. Though it does make sense being alone for so long I've made up someone to talk to, someone to vent to just for this moment. Maybe that's who you are. Again it doesn't matter, because I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anyone or anything. I don't deserve him. I didn't deserve them.

The day was a blur, the first real time in a while I've spent with my immediate (and now only) older brother. Looking in the mirror after he cut my hair I saw a totally different person, I could actually see my face, thin and sickly looking. I looked worse than death which was more than I deserved. I had to admit Raph had done a good job on my hair, very stylish, but as strange as it sounds that's not very out of character for him. He's always been somewhat of the more stylish out of the four of us in his own way.

I woke up the next day refreshed for once, which was completely out of character for me, I brushed my only hand through my now short hair something that was still unfamiliar for me seeing as my hair was always long enough to pull up in the past. Not something I want to think about now.

"I know it's going to be hard," A voice rings in my head as I try to pick out something presentable to wear that won't kill me in this heat. (Though let's be honest heat stroke would be a mercy at this point), "You have to see her, she's been worried about you."

Just the thought of April sends my mind into a frenzy. I know she was, _is_ , worried about me by the sheer number of times she came over or called the house just to check up on me. To think she would want to see me after all the times I'd ignored or turned her down.

I sucked in a deep breath trying to calm down my speeding heart, a knot forming in my chest. I tried to think about anything else, anyone else, but of course due to the nature of my past feelings she was at the forefront of my mind. I was finally able to snap out of it when I heard a sharp knocking on my door.

"Donnie, are you awake?" I heard him say as the door slowly opened, I could hear the unnatural anxiety in his voice. I wiped away a few tears that managed to make their way down my cheeks during that little.. Episode… There certainly was a bit of noticeable relief in his features when he saw me dressed for the day. Suddenly I didn't feel so stressed anymore.

Being inside for months with the curtains drawn in your bedroom really does a number on your very being. I couldn't comprehend how it could be so bright out but even so it was a very familiar sensation on the eyes. I felt nostalgic even. It just reminded me of what I was missing, with the bright blue sky and orange flowers peppering the shops around the square. (why were there so many flowers?)

I elected to look at the ground avoiding any more contact with those.. I felt Raph's hand take mine to lead me forward. Spending most of the way looking at my feet to avoid flowers I found myself looking up to an explosion of color. It seemed that every flower of every species was reaching out of the shop sparkling with a multitude of colors and in the midst of it all was April delicately pushing back a strand of hair as she arranged what I can only assume were orchids.

Raphael nudged me in the side. He wanted me to say something to her. I swallowed the lump in my throat my voice a bit hoarse as I finally spoke.

" Hey April," I started seeing her face look towards me, an all to familiar sparkle in her beautiful blue eyes, "Long time no see, the flowers look nice,"


End file.
